Parenting Boys -- a Kandy Classic

Let me start by saying that I'm happy that the school sends me emails to keep me up to date on my son's progress in the 6th grade.  It's much more appreciated than having to call, email, and bogard my way into the
school to figure out his grades.  Not only do I have a website I can log in to check out how he's progressing, I am getting emails from him teachers who are keeping me abreast of the assignments he hasn't turned in and
the projects that are due so I can reinforce his obligations to school work at home.  These are brief emails; his teachers write me letters detailing the
assignments he hasn't turned in, how they helped him catch up on some things during 'core+ class', and what he's got to do next to maintain his grade. 

Every day I come home Monday-Friday I have to turn my cell phone off (so I don't take calls and enable him to get off focus if I'm too busy talking to keep my foot in his ass) and cook dinner and MONITOR that he is getting his work done. Then I go to check my email only to find that all the evenings I've sacrificed to get
him to complete his assignments were not even turned in to the teacher. He's got all the support in the world from a line up of great teachers and he's got me staying on his back to see that it gets done so [insert deep satanic voice here]: WHY THE FaQ DOES
EVERYONE KNOW WHAT HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DOING BUT HIM!!! 

I come home every day and cook a home-cooked meal and have mail to sort, shit to read, calls to make and work of my own to do.  I'm not his personal assistant.  Why can't this  boy learn how to apply himself and take some ownership in getting his work done on his own AND turning it in!? 

I got so annoyed tonight I wanted to write his teacher to worry his father with this chet!-- or worse!-- just tell him to fail and stop worrying me every dam day.  I'm fed up.  Not only that but I have to TELL HIM EVERY DAY (and repeating myself to anyone is a big petpeeve of mine) to do the same stuff-- pick up dirty clothes, get the dishes out the sink, take out the trash, do
your homework, "get the out shower already!-- it's been 10 minutes".  I don't want to say nothing some days.  I just want to come home and be able to wash my clothes without having to first  unload the dryer to put away the clothes to free the washer to wash my clothes.  Just ONCE a week-- or waiting for him to do it.  Dam.  I'd like to be able to start dinner without first having to  check inventory of my ingredients in case he ate something up.  I'd like to be able to have a
phone conversation and he still be on task.  This sucks.  I need a vacation and I'm taking one but he's coming with me-- AND he's got homework to do on the trip [insert adult temper tantrum here]

Today he sat... sat... huffed and puffed until I asked him why he wasn't doing his work.  He didn't just
know how to come right out and ask for a pencil sharpener.  His teachers say he does the exact same
thing at school-- won't ask for help.  I ignored him as long as I could so I could enjoy my dinner (hadn't
eaten all dam day).  I start eating and after a few bites I calmly ask him why he isn't getting his work done.  He says he needs a pencil sharpener.  Now if it were the tv remote needing batteries he'd have gotten up off his ass and found batteries somewhere.  I refer him to my make up caboodle to get one and he goes in there digging through my stuff and comes out and doesn't say anything.  After another minute I ask why he's not doing his homework (not so calmly this time) and he says he can't find it.  I put my plate down, go in my room where I just heard him digging in my make up box and I find the sharpener. It came out the room before I did. 

I've seen results from being dedicated and sacrificing but my endurance needs a boost.  SERIOUS BOOST.
I wonder if he works me and pushes the limits where I have to tell him over and over what to do to get him to do it.  I know growing up my mom had to do this with us-- I could postpone taking action on her direction once or twice but my dad never had to say it more than once.  I was in check!  He never had to beat me either because I got it one time and that was a wrap for me-- I was permanently obedient.  But my son doesn't have that 'reverence' to me because I have to tell him over and over.  And he plays on the attention I don't give him.  If I leave a room while he's doing homework it won't get done.  I have joked about renting a big "Deebo" looking negro to come here and tear that ass up for me.  I tried but I don't wear belts and broke a nail trying to spank his agile butt. 

I don't know if I'm asking for advice here or just blowing off steam!  Both-- I don't know. 


--
Kandy Phillips

"Achieving prosperity with integrity"
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